A Message for you
Let me tell you a little about this training and then I would like to answer any questions you have. My objective is not to change your life or change everything you do with your child, but to teach you in about 10 weeks as much as I possibly can about how to structure a special playtime with your child.
Play is important because toys are like words for your child and play is their language. I’ll teach you skills that I believe that what we do as a professional with children, is helpful and can help you too.
I was struggled with my daughter once, she was 7 years old after pandemic and back to school she became a little “antisocial” she did want to go school, she was constantly crying for no special reason, having negative thoughts about herself, feeling nobody likes her, she was lying feeling like she didn’t want to go to school anymore, all chores at home were considered as parent abuse for her, she would do everything except what she had to, more I was trying to establish rules and punishments worst she was becoming. Few times I had to leave work to pick her up at school, even though I was telling her that I loved her, she couldn’t feel it.
I start studying play therapy and practice with her at home. When I started, I asked her: What do you think if mommy to take 30 minutes of her time to paly with you this week? She said: This is going to be the best day of my life!
My daughter complete changed, she became happier, she felt understood, loved. She understood that I want the best for her when I am getting her to do her chores, she started seeing life and herself in a positive way, she improved her behaviour at school, at home and with her friends.
Nobody taught us to play with our kids, old generation though that If they could just give food, clothes, and a place to live to their kids, these things were more than enough, you didn’t have to show affection or validation. Playing can be overwhelmed for some caregivers. We were taught to internalise feelings, thoughts, and emotions, how to be “tough”, not to play with our kids.
Kids of present generation is faraway different when compared with the older ones.
I had a busy life and I still have it, but those 30 min of Play therapy changed my family life.
So I am going to teach you what I know about play therapy. Not that you will be play therapists, but you’ll have some of those skills so that when you have these special play times you will know how to reflect your child’s feelings and communicate what you see your child doing.
We’ll be working on your relationship with your child. We have found that these special playtimes help improve children’s behaviors. And then as we go along, we will work on some of the things that you are concerned about.
I guess most of all I want you to know right off I’m not trying to change your life but I will expect you to do them for 30 minutes once a week. Does that sound like something you could try, for 30 minutes?
Best regards
Adriana Santos McCulloch
Helping your kid’s trough Children and Primary Caregivers Play Therapy techniques.
Life of present generation is faraway different when compared with the older ones. Things have changed significantly. Some most important differences between our generation and old generation are education, technology, lifestyle, and communication. The way primary caregivers used to educate, communicate, and deal with their children do not work on this society anymore.
I understand that some studies have linked increased screen time to negative effects on mental health. However, many primary caregivers have fought and tear their children away from their headphones, tables, computers, television etc. They have also increased outdoor physical activities time by take them to parks, putting them in sports activities, etc. They do anything to decrease their child time on handheld devices but why no of these seems to work with kids? Why does these things are not helping kids with their bad behaviours or with their mental health?
Kids as attention seekers.
Children are usually attention seekers they want to monopolise their primary caregivers’ time. A primary caregiver can be a mother, a father, stepmother/father, grandparents, anybody has physical custodian of the child.
Children whose don’t get their emotional needs meet, tent to exhibit more attention-seeking behavior and cry more, tend to have little confidence and be reliant on others’ approval and emotional support.
They are less likely to form secure attachments and the lack of a secure attachment strongly predicts more attention-seeking behavior.
The problem arises when attachment-seeking behavior becomes overly attention-seeking, disruptive, or dangerous.
Attention-seekers’ behaviors are characterized by their emotional dependence on the validation, praise, and emotional reassurance of others.
Therefore, older children who seek attention are looking for ways to connect. The pursuit of attention is actually the pursuit of relationships.
Rember a negative attention is still an attention.
Even though parents pay attention to negative behaviors, they still cannot stop them.
There are several reasons why a child may act out, the first of which is to get their parents’ attention.
For example, when a child asks a primary caregiver to do something that the child is capable of doing independently. If the child knows how to get dressed without assistance and asks for help putting on clothes, this is attention-seeking behavior. If a primary caregiver is on the phone for three minutes and the child is interrupting with questions for the entire time, this is attention-seeking behavior.
If attention-seeking behavior doesn’t help a child get more attention from their primary caregivers, the child may begin to display control-seeking behavior. A child with controlling behavior doesn’t stop when primary caregivers tell their child to stop; in fact, these situations tend to escalate.
Kids engage in a power struggle.
A child can also try to dictate how everyone in the family behaves or engaging in a power struggle. When control-seeking behavior is displayed, parents often feel angry and resentful and parents can engage in dispute the control with the child by force, for example force your child to walk when they the to stop on the middle of sidewalk. The focus can become about winning instead of resolving the underlying issue.
When attention-seeking and control-seeking behaviors don’t work for children, your child develops a lack of feeling of personal power, significance and belonging.
This often results in hurtful, revenge-seeking behavior. Children may feel like “I can’t control you, but I can hurt you.” An example of this is doing something that they know will hurt your feelings. For example, when a child lies, breaks, or steals objects,
Whatever child knows they can say or do that will hurt you they will be engaged. This can last for long time even after they become teenagers.
Parenting style
Scold the child, emphasize the exact rules, and use consistent consequences. Do all of these without attending to their child’s needs first.
This shows the child that they and their needs are not as important.
This kind of attention does not meet the child’s need to connect.
More extreme are the parenting style toward kids’ negative behaviors more probability of larger mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or an attachment disorder or antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder etc, which is at the extreme end of the spectrum and is caused by individuals who have had significant trauma and issues with attachment for a long time.
If you are struggling with this, consider take the Child and Primary Caregivers Play Therapy techniques to connect before you correct.
You still going to discipline your child, but the correction will be more effective.
Why kids seek for attention?
When children act out to seek attention, they are seeking connection.
Therefore, older children who seek attention are looking for ways to connect.
That is why the play therapy techniques are so powerful.
When you use the child Primary Caregivers play techniques children can develop a sense of trust in their caregivers and feel confident that they will be there for them as their secure base. They have high self-esteem and develop independence as they grow.
Some children will stop their attention-seeking behavior temporarily when they are ignored.
But this only fixes the symptoms, not the underlying problem. Because the need to connect has not been met, the bad behavior will return repeatedly.
Opposite some primary caregivers think when you are paying positive attention to your child will not reinforce attention-seeking behavior.
Giving your child attention doesn’t mean you condone it.
Establishing a secure attachment is critical to child development.
When you use the Children and Primary Caregivers Play Therapy techniques you can learn how give your child undivided attention and live your life at the same time.
We understand that parents are doing everything they can, but sometimes things become too difficult or too much, that is why we created this program to help parents to connect to their children in more effective way.
Child and caregivers play techniques.
In the special playtimes, you will build a different kind of relationship with your child, and your childwill discover that she is capable, important, understood, and accepted as he/she is. When children experience a play relationship in which they feel accepted, understood, and cared for, they play out many of their problems and, in the process, release tensions, feelings, and burdens. Your child will then feel betterabout him/herself and will be able to discover his/her own strengths and assume greater self-responsibility as he/she takes charge of play situations.
How your child feels about him/herself will make a significant difference in his/her behavior. In the special playtimes where you learn to focus on your child rather than your child’s problem, your child will begin to react differently, because how your child behaves, how he/she thinks, and how he/she performs in school are directly related to how he/she feels about him/herself. When your child feels better about him/herself, she will behave in more self-enhancing ways rather than self-defeating ways.
Depending on age and stage of development, children simply don’t have the language skills of adults. They may feel something, but in many cases, they either can’t express it .
On the other end, adults can misinterpret or completely miss the child’s verbal and nonverbal cues.
Children learn to understand the world and their place in it through play. It’s where they’re free to act out their inner feelings and deepest emotions.
Since the child can’t adequately express themselves in the adult world, the therapist and the parents join the child in their world, on their level.
As they play, the child may become less guarded and more apt to share their feelings. But they aren’t pressured. They’re allowed to do so in their own time and with their own method of communication.
The goals are:
Helping parents to give undivided attention and continue carry on life at the same time.
Helping primary caregivers to create an environment with choices so the child to increase child’ senso of personal power and increase confidence in be able to deal with things.
The child will have an increased sense of personal power and an increased confidence in being able to deal with things.
Help on the natural way children to learn about themselves and their relationships in the world around them.
Help teach conflict resolution, promote healing, and improve family dynamics.
What is the difference between playing techniques and regular playing?
Children and Primary Caregivers Play therapy differs from regular play in that the therapist and caregivers work together to help children to address and resolve their own problems.
When you use the play techniques you are complete present on the play with no distractions, the primary focus is child not the games and you see the play on the eyes of the child.
Play permits the child to communicate with adults nonverbally, symbolically, and in an action-oriented manner.
Play Therapists use approaches, interventions, media, and activities that are appropriate to the age and the child family goals for the child.
Play therapy utilizes play, children's natural medium of expression, to help them express their feelings more easily through toys instead of words.
Who can benefit from play therapy?
Although people of all ages can benefit from play therapy, it’s typically used with children between the ages of 3 and 12. Play therapy may be helpful in a variety of circumstances, such as:
· facing medical procedures, chronic illness, or palliative care
· indiscipline and negative behaviours
· developmental delay or learning disabilities
· problem behaviors in school
· aggressive or angry behavior
· family issues, like divorce, separation, or death of a close family member
· natural disasters or traumatic events
· domestic violence, abuse, or neglect
· anxiety, depression, grief
· eating and toileting disorders
· Etc
How does play therapy work?
To begin, we may want to observe the child at play. We may also conduct separate interviews with the child and parents.
After a thorough assessment, therapist and parents will set some therapeutic goals, decide on what limits may be necessary, and formulate a plan for how to proceed.
The You are going to choose 1 or more day of your week and play with your child for 30 minutes. The number of weeks we will check for each case, for best result we suggest 10 weeks.
The therapist will provide instructions for each session.
Your play time needs to be recorded. The record is for you analyse yours and your child reflective listening and responding. You also going to send it to child therapist that is going to make suggestions and comments if necessary.
Play therapy for teenagers
Play isn’t just for kids, and neither is play therapy. Teenagers and adults can also have a difficult time expressing their innermost feelings in words.
When working with teenager we can help you work on strategies for dealing with particular scenarios.
Much can be revealed in how a child interacts with different types of toys and how their behavior changes from session to session. They may use play to act out fears and anxieties, as a soothing mechanism, or to heal and problem-solve.
We use these observations as a guide to the next steps. Each child is different, so therapy will be tailored to their individual needs.
As therapy progresses, behaviors and goals can be reassessed.
At some point, the therapist may bring parents, siblings, or other family members into play therapy. This is known as filial therapy.
Play therapy techniques with therapist
This program also involve child playing with the therapist only.
Sessions typically last 50 minutes to an hour and are held once a week or so. How many sessions are needed depends on the child and how well they respond to this type of therapy. I can also use some of this time for parent instructions or book a separated appointment if you prefer.
I will be performing directive or nondirective Play Therapy. In the directive approach, I will take the lead by specifying the toys or games that’ll be used in the session. I will guide the play with a specific goal in mind.
Take the First Step
If you believe that Child, Primary Caregivers Play Therapy could be the right fit for you and your child, we invite you to arrange a first meeting. During this session, we will discuss your specific goals, concerns, and scheduling preferences.
To learn more about Child, Primary Caregivers Play Therapy and schedule your first meeting, please contact us at info@betterlifecounsellor.com or www.betterlifecounsellor.com . Our dedicated team is here to support you on this transformative journey toward emotional well-being and stronger parent-child relationships.
Unlock the power of play and embrace a brighter future for your child and your family with Child, Primary Caregivers Play Therapy.
Adriana Santos McCulloch
6479656625
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